What if that popular Italian plumber from New York City that’s in all those video games had been from London instead. How different would he be?
For starters his name would probably be Jack. He certainly wouldn’t eat mushrooms to grow larger, but he might sip some tea to get thinner. He would still be a plumber because that is a heroic profession no matter where you’re from.
He would still be in a terrible hurry all the time, but it would be rather impossible for him to ever beat a level in time. He would not be able to shoot fireballs, but he might be able to shake a stick and blow a whistle at people, if he was licensed to hold a club.
I suppose he’d have more right to carry on about saving a princess. Still, we all know that a plumber from London will probably never end up with a princess.
I guess he’d have to be from high society if he’s going to go around jumping on people all the time. The son of a nobleman who decided he wanted to be a plumber, and then ran off trying to save the princess. That does have a ring to it.
In no way could his rival be a huge creature with thorns on its back. His rival would have to be more refined than that. Perhaps he would be a very tall and slender man with a cape. I once knew a boy who would plead with his parents to wear his cape to school. His parents would always decline, hoping that their child would soon grow out of such desires. One day the boy wised up and asked if he could wear his cloak to school. Happily his parents agreed. Jack’s nemesis could be that boy grown up.
Jack would have to be a pretty fantastic plumber. I mean, if he was representing London he’d have to be extraordinary. He’d have to have book smarts. All famous people from London have book smarts, and a plumber is no exception. He’d have to be witty. I suppose every time he squashed a little monster he’d have something clever to say. I can’t imagine what, but I’ve never squashed a little monster before.
And what is London without poetry? Yes, Jack would need to be a plumber poet. Maybe that could be his hidden strength. He would beat his foes through the use of poetry. Maybe if he was a good enough poet he could run away with the princess. People might excuse him for it then.
Maybe its better they never made a game about a plumber from London. There are enough legacies in England already. They can keep their Italian plumber. London can have her Alice. Oh no, now I’ve done it. I’ve let the secret out of the bag. For, of course, the Italian plumber is a good try at Alice. Ah, but a London plumber named Jack, that could be a little better.